Shadows Burn Like Faded Flames
by Tahiri Solo
Summary: Third in the Bree Saga. Bree get the surprise of her life . . . .


Shadows Burn Like Faded Flames  
By Tahiri Solo  
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Disclaimer: All the characters, places and such mentioned in this fic are the property of Lucasfilm. Anything that you recognize does not belong to me. I am not making any money off of this story, and no infringement is intended. I do, however, own Bree, Leena, Arram, Parrck, Kiana Daragon, and any others that you do not recognize. Cahrism belongs to my friend Lindsey, but she lets me borrow her. Do not steal any of our characters. Oh, and don't confuse Arram with Arram Draper (otherwise known as Numair) from Tamora Pierce's books. Totally different characters. I just liked the name. (But I don't OWN the name - I'm not infringing.) The "losing you" song mentioned briefly in this fic is an actual song, by Eiffel 65. Just to clarify, I am not Eiffel 65 and therefore do not own it, and am not getting paid for it. If this story bears any resemblance to stories written by others, that is purely coincidental. Also, the song the title came from belongs to B*Witched, and I don't own that either and am not getting paid for it.   
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A/N: In case anyone hasn't noticed, I'm writing this saga as if NJO had never happened, because, frankly, NJO is total crap. It seriously sucks, and I think all the authors must be sitting around sniffing something or other while they write.  
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Here in the darkness  
Oh there's so many shades  
Shadows burn like faded flames  
And die into the night, ooh, and fly  
Up so high  
Are you a ghost?  
Or are you alive?  
Would you be here for me  
Be here for me now  
Imagination  
Or are you for real?  
Just give me a sign  
  
B*Witched, Are You A Ghost  
  
  
  
Bree awoke to the sound of voices: "I put her in a healing trance. I was afraid she'd try jumping again. That poor girl."  
Bree dimly recognized that voice as Cahrism's.  
"I can't believe she actually tried to kill herself." That voice sounded tearful and upset - Jaina.  
Bree struggled to open her eyes and succeeded in prying them open enough to see what was going on.  
All the young Jedi Knights, the Skywalkers, Anakin, Tahiri, Leena, and Cahrism were all in the room with her. Cahrism looked fitful; Leena looked as though she'd just been sobbing. Jaina was sitting on Zekk's lap, head on his shoulder, looking near tears herself.   
Bree managed to sit up with a grunt. "You guys, it's not that big a deal. I didn't actually kill myself."  
"Do you hear her?" Mara exclaimed, looking angry. "She just tried to commit suicide, then assures us that it was really no big deal!"  
Bree merely shrugged. She swung herself out of the bed they had put her in, then stalked out of the room before anyone could stop her.  
  
Bree headed for her ship and locked herself in it.   
Topples whistled enthusiastically at her, but Bree ignored him and trotted back into her bunk room.   
Once in it, she locked the door and immediately fetched a small box she kept under her bunk.  
She put it in her lap and opened it with a sigh.   
Inside were several holos, her most treasured possessions. She took them out one by one and looked at them.  
The first one was of her parents' wedding. Bree grinned as she saw her father's picture. Dash Rendar looked endearingly roguish. She wished she could have met him.  
The next one was of her mother and Bree as a newborn. Bree's eyes misted over, but she quickly blinked them away, and moved on to the next picture.  
The next ones were the ones she were looking for.   
One of them was of her, Cahrism, Leena, and Arram. They were outside in the small meadow that was near where they lived. Cahrism was laying on her back, sunbathing. Leena was dipping her feet in the little pond, laughing as she watched Bree and Arram, who were wrestling in the grass.   
Tears fell silently from her eyes. She hadn't looked at these pictures since his death. It was too painful.  
The next picture was even harder to look at. It was taken after Cahrism left, by Leena. Bree and Arram were curled up together, asleep. Her head was on his chest and his arms were around his waist, his cheek resting on her hair.   
Bree watched as tears dropped onto the holo. She remembered that day well. It had been summer, and very hot, and because it was so hot, she had gone to bed early to escape the heat. But she had been jerked awake by a very gruesome nightmare, and her screams had brought Arram at a run. He'd held her close and finally carried her outside where she wouldn't be so hot. Since they didn't have portable bunks, he'd let her curl up against him, and they finally fell asleep like that.   
Leena had thought it was sweet, and had taken the picture. Bree had been mad at her for doing so at first, but now she was grateful for the picture, as much as it hurt to look at.   
Bree could suddenly see by the way Arram had held her in the picture just who much she meant to him, He was holding her as if she might shatter if he handled her too roughly, but as if he was afraid something would hurt her if he let her slip from his arms.  
She remembered how protective he had been of her, and it suddenly it hit her, as if he was speaking directly to her.  
He wouldn't want her to be grieving like this for him. He would want her to get on with her life - not almost commit suicide.  
"I'm sorry," she whispered tearfully. "I know you wouldn't have wanted me to be like this. But you never realized how much you meant to me. I - I was in love with you. You were my soulmate. Believe it or not, you know I'm never wrong about these things."  
Bree felt like crying, but had no tears left.   
Instead, she crawled to her bunk, and laid down, clutching the holo to her chest. She was suddenly very exhausted.   
Bree sighed deeply, then fell asleep.  
  
When Bree woke up, she felt much better than she had in months. Her heart still ached, but she had finally achieved some sort of closure by realizing that Arram wouldn't want her grieving over him.   
Bree climbed out of bed and went into her ships 'fresher and took a shower. A little while later, she got out and changed into fresh clothes.  
Bree peered into a tiny mirror. Her eyes were still red, but for the first time in longer than she could remember, they held a flicker of hope.   
She looked at her reflection and smiled, then left her ship and headed for the academy.  
  
Bree managed to get to her room without any noticing her - which was good, because she didn't want any more anxious questions.  
She breathed a sigh of relief as she shut the door behind her and flicked on the light -   
  
Only to see that Cahrism was sitting on her bed, looking half angry and half upset. "I knew if I waited long enough, you'd show up."  
Bree sighed. "I'm okay now, Cahrism. I wasn't before, but now I am."  
"And how do I know that?"  
Bree bit her lip, then handed her the holo. "I realized he wouldn't want me to be like this over him."  
Cahrism looked at it, then met Bree's eyes and whispered, "You really loved him, didn't you?"  
Bree nodded.  
"I know how you feel," Cahrism murmured. "After I left, I met this young man. He finally made me break up with him, for fear I'd end up getting killed. His uncle was sort of a fanatic. Long story."  
Bree stiffened in shock, but she covered it well. Could it be - ?  
"What was his name?" she asked quickly.  
Cahrism smiled sadly. "Terin. Terry for short."  
Bree once again covered her surprise. "Anyway, as I came to tell you," she started, an idea forming in her mind, "my friends here and I have a little welcome-back surprise planned for you. You have to get ready. Make yourself look nice. Not that you don't look nice now; you know what I mean."  
"What's going on? There's something you're not telling me," Cahrism accused.  
Bree chuckled. "Of course there's something I'm not telling you. That's why it's a surprise. Now get ready."  
Cahrism shrugged. "Whatever, Cricket."  
Bree stiffened. "Please, don't call me Cricket. That's what Arram always used to call me."  
Cahrism instantly got off the bed and went over and hugged her. "Sorry!" she exclaimed. "I completely forgot about that! Oh, Sithspawn, I'm sorry!"  
Bree pulled away and laughed in spite of herself. "You seem to have gotten more sympathetic since the last time I saw you."  
Cahrism frowned. "Blame yourself for that. When you see one of your oldest and best friends attempting to commit suicide, it kinda has a bad effect on you."  
"Let's get off the subject," Bree said firmly. "I don't want to think about that right now. Or him. Just go and get ready."  
Cahrism looked hard at her for a moment, searching her, almost. Finally, she nodded. "All right."  
  
  
Bree left Cahrism's room, uncertain what she was going to do next. She stopped in the hallway and thought for a moment. Quickly coming to a decision, she decided to find Lee and Jaina.  
She found Jaina first. It was easy - as usual, the young woman was out on the landing field, working on the Rock Dragon. Bree pulled her aside and told her what she had learned in a whisper.  
Jaina's brandy eyes widened. "Wow," she breathed. "Are they - can you tell?"  
Bree shrugged. "I'm not sure. I've never actually seen them together. I'll find out soon enough. I need to find some way to let them both meet up again, but I want it to be a surprise."  
Jaina nodded thoughtfully. "I'll go get Zekk. He can tell Ter to meet us wherever. Where do you think that should be?"  
Bree thought for a moment, then said, "The top of the Great Temple. It can be pretty romantic up there. I want this to be special - I mean, she is one of my best friends."  
Jaina grinned. "I can set up some romantic lighting up there. Just give me about an hour."  
Bree grinned back. "Good. I'll go get Zekk and tell him to have Ter get ready. Then I'll get Leena and have her keep her eye on Cahrism. You get the top of the temple ready."  
Jaina nodded eagerly and dashed off. Bree sighed and went to find Zekk.  
  
  
About an hour and a half later, everything was set. Zekk was bringing Ter up to the top of the temple, and Bree was dragging Cahrism.  
Literally dragging.   
Cahrism had put up quite a fuss at the whole affair. Leena and Bree both had tried to coax her into wearing something nice and doing her hair. That in itself hadn't bothered Cahrism. Their secrecy had.   
They both refused to tell her what was going on, and Bree had forgotten that if there was one thing Cahrism hated, it was secrecy. Cahrism had gotten quite angry with them both.   
But finally, they had managed to get her ready, despite her nearly biting their heads off as they did so.   
Now Bree had to get her up to the roof of the Great Temple. She and Zekk arranged it so they would both get their at the exact same time.   
"Come on, Cahrism," she growled. "You're going to like this surprise, I promise you."  
Cahrism sighed. "Fine. Whatever. I'll go."  
Then she practically ran the rest of the way, with a very disgusted Bree coming behind her.  
  
Bree grabbed her arm just as she was about to go to the roof. "Hold on a second, will you?" she growled. "This is supposed to be a surprise, and we went to an awful lot of trouble to do this for you! So behave yourself!"  
Cahrism looked at her and laughed. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry. You know I can be moody."  
"Tell me about it," Bree muttered. Ignoring her friend's laughter, she reached out in the Force to Zekk.   
*Are you ready?*  
*Yeah. Are you?*  
*Yep. Let's bring them out, then.*  
  
Bree pushed Cahrism ahead.  
Their timing was perfect. Bree and Zekk reached the roof at the exact same time.   
Cahrism and Ter stared at each other, in shock.  
They did nothing but stare, until Ter finally broke the silence. "Carrie?" he asked in a hoarse whisper.  
"Ter?"  
  
Faster than Bree would have believed possible, they were in each other's arms, clinging to each other.   
Bree was suddenly stunned when she realized that her old friend was actually crying.   
Cahrism buried her face in Ter's shoulder and wept. Ter held her close against him and stroked her hair, looking very near tears himself.  
  
When they pulled slightly apart and began kissing, Bree decided it was time to go.   
With a smile playing across her lips, Bree turned and left the young couple alone.  
  
  
The Skywalkers met up with her as she was heading into her ship. "We want to ask you a favor," Mara said without preamble.  
"Ask away," Bree replied with a grin.  
"We want you to become a teacher here at the academy," Luke said solemnly.  
"What?! Me? Why?" Bree exclaimed, mouth dropping open with shock.   
"Yes, you," Mara said with a grin.   
"But why? I'm fourteen years old, turned to the dark side at six . . . I should not be teaching little children!"  
Mara laughed. "Almost all of the students who've graduated are doing it. Luke was a little unsure about leaving his charges to people so young, but it was obvious that our niece and nephews and their friends were not at all willing to leave the academy - rather, leave each other. Jaina couldn't stand to be parted from Zekk, and he from her. Tenel Ka's parents and/or grandmother would have dragged her off to Hapes and probably never allow her to see Jacen again. That would have killed them both. So we offered them all the option to stay here instead."  
"Yes, well, that all makes sense, and is a good idea. They all need to be together. But what does any of this have to do with me?! I am not teacher material here!"  
"I think you are," Mara said stubbornly. Luke wisely chose not to open his mouth.  
"I think you're crazy," Bree replied back, in every bit as stubborn a tone. "Listen to me. I am fourteen years old. Fourteen. The others are at least sixteen, and Zekk is nineteen. I turned to the dark side. Yes, so did Zekk, but I turned at six years old. Six. That cannot be good. You do not want to put me in charge of little children. I will mess them up. I am not a good example."  
"Experience is the best teacher, but sometimes we don't want to have people go through the things they would need to learn certain thing. So in those cases, the best thing is for the teacher to have the experience to pass on to their pupils. Bree, believe me, you would make a wonderful teacher."  
Luke nodded. "I absolutely agree with my wife. And also, kids learn better from people who are closer to their age. Please, at least consider it."  
"Okay, okay! I'll consider it! But you just keep in mind, just a little while back I went into such deep depression that I almost jumped off the top of the Great Temple! Don't you dare tell me I'd be a good example!"  
"Sure you are - of what not to do," Mara replied with a grin.  
"Don't go there, Miss Ex-Emperor's Hand," Bree said, laughing.  
"That's Mrs. Ex-Emperor's Hand," Mara replied  
"Whatever. What am I going to have to teach these kids anyway?"  
"Does that mean you're agreeing to do it?" Mara asked hopefully.  
"No! I'm just gathering information so I can better make my decision."  
"All right, all right. Tell you what. Skywalker and I are having a meeting with all the other possible teachers here. You'll find out everything there."  
"When is the meeting? And do the others know yet?"  
Luke shook his head. "No. You're the first one we told - basically because we weren't too sure if you would agree to it or not. The meeting will be in one standard hour, in my quarters."  
"Good enough," Bree said with a nod. "I'll be there."  
She started to walk off, but before she did, she turned back to them and warned, "I'll come, but don't expect anything."  
"Fair enough," Luke replied. "We won't. There's no pressure."  
"That's what you think," Mara muttered as soon as Bree was out of earshot.   
  
  
Two days later, Bree found herself standing in front of a small group of very young Jedi trainees, all under twelve years of age, and rapidly losing her patience.  
"For the hundredth time, my name is Bree, not Bread," she said, her voice practically a hiss, she was so agitated.  
I'm going to kill Mara if these blasted kids don't kill me first, she promised herself fiercely.   
How did I end up here anyway? I couldn't have been that stupid!  
But then again, Bree knew the answer.   
Mara had intimidated her into it.  
She had gone to the meeting, with a firm decision to listen politely to what they had to say, then decline the offer. But no, Mara wasn't putting up with that. Next thing Bree knew, she was teaching - or rather, trying to teach - a tribe of little heathens.  
Yes, indeed, she was going to kill Mara.  
  
"I hate it here," one small little boy announced in a bored tone. "First we hear that 'childish innocence' is a bulwark for the so-called 'dark side', and then they constantly warn us about not turning to the dark side. These people are hypocritical! I hate them!"  
He snorted. "And you - why they have you teaching is a mystery in itself. You're too tiny to even take on a baby gort."  
Before the obnoxious child even had a chance to register what she was doing, Bree had picked him up and was holding him over the side of the Great Temple.  
"Ahhh! Put me down!" the boy cried in a panic.  
"Are you sure that's what you want me to do?" Bree inquired in a cheerful tone.  
"No! No! Just don't hurt me!"  
Bree chuckled and deposited him safely down on the cold stone floor of the top of the ancient ziggurat.   
"You witch!" the boy cried when he could speak again, while the other children watched in a mixture of horror and awe. "You threatened a kid with bodily harm! That's not what the Jedi teach!"  
Bree gave a deep-throated laugh, her mismatched eyes twinkling. "That was not threatening a child with bodily harm. That was teaching a snotty little boy respect for his teacher - and if need be, I will do it again."  
She laughed again. "And believe me, if you think I'm mean, you should meet some of my friends here. You really don't want to make them mad, trust me."  
She patted him on the head. "Now, I'm going to teach you all something, so pay attention to me. They're teaching you all about the dark side now, because though yes, childish innocence is a bulwark for the dark side, that is not always the case. Take me for example. I turned to the dark side when I was six years old."  
The trainees stared at her, openmouthed.  
"What is wrong with you?!" the obnoxious boy cried in horror. "You must be some kind of freak!"  
"Bad people broke into my house when I was six," Bree explained in a flat, expressionless voice. "They killed my mother, right in front of me. Before I even knew what I was doing, I had opened myself to the dark side of the Force and killed all of the people who had killed my mother."  
One little redheaded girl began to cry. "That's so sad! It's no wonder you turned! I would have too!"  
Bree patted her on the shoulder. "Hopefully, you'll never have to find out if that's true or not. I pray you don't. No one should have to go through all I went through. But the point is, although the chances are slim, any of you could possibly turn to the dark side. Beware of anger."  
Bree stood up from where she sat cross-legged on the stone, then recited: "'Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering.' Trust me, that is more true than you can realize."  
  
  
Late that night, as Bree was laying on her bed, thinking about how her first lesson had gone, she heard a tentative knock on her door.  
"C'mon in," Bree called with a yawn, expecting it to be either Mara or Jaina.  
She was surprised a moment later when one of her students walked into her room, the little red-haired girl who had been so upset when Bree had mentioned her turning to the dark side.  
"Can I talk to you?" the girl asked timidly.  
"Sure," Bree said, sitting up. "Shoot."  
"I didn't know that Jedi had blasters," the girl said, sounding baffled. "I thought they had lightsabers."  
Bree fought hard to hide a smile. "It's an expression. It means to say what's on your mind."  
"Oh. Okay. If I tell you a secret, will you promise not to tell it?"  
"Cross my heart - that's another expression too," Bree added hastily, seeing she had confused the child once again. "First off, what's your name?"  
"Kelle. You said your mother died?"  
Bree winced. "Yes. Why?"  
"My mommy died when I was born. My daddy got really sad when she died, and burned all our holos of her, so I have no idea what she looks like. I heard Jedi can pull out buried memories, or something. Can you make me remember what she was like?"  
Bree's heart nearly broke at the girl's wide, hopeful eyes. "Kelle," she said gently, "I don't know if I can do that or not. I doubt I could, and if I did, it would hurt very much."   
The little girl's face fell, and Bree's heart nearly broke. She could have gotten the girl's memories, and she knew it. But Bree also knew that the girl wasn't ready for it yet. Better for Bree to lie and say she couldn't.  
But even though she knew she was doing the right thing, it didn't stop her heart from aching.  
"Tell you what," Bree said in as cheerful voice as she could muster. "I'd give anything to be able to bring your mother back, but since I can't, I'll be your big sister, if you want."  
"How could you? We're not related."  
"Doesn't matter." Bree shook her head. "The most important ties aren't blood ties, no matter what anyone says. It's the ties that you choose to make that truly matter, because you choose to make them. That makes them even stronger."  
Kelle thought for a moment, then grinned. "Stellar. I've always wanted a big sis."  
Bree grinned back. "And I've always wanted a younger one. We can get started on this sister business now, if you want. I can give you a makeover."  
Kelle squealed, and Bree laughed. "Come here, and I'll fix your hair. I know some really cool ways to braid . . ."  
  
Over the next few weeks, Bree fell into the pattern of teaching. The formerly obnoxious children developed a fierce respect for her after watching her wrestle with Lowie. Despite the Wookiee being so much larger than she, Bree still managed to win the match.  
When it was over, her pupils immediately ran over to her and buried her in enthusiastic hugs, cheering wildly.  
"Where did you learn to wrestle like that?" Anakin asked in awe. "You're so tiny . . ."  
Bree's laughter instantly faded and she disentangled herself from her students. "Arram taught me," she said, with a bittersweet smile on her lips. "We wrestled all the time - we always played around. He was a foot taller than me, literally, but he taught me the basics, and he taught me so well it didn't take long before I could beat him."  
She blinked several times in rapid succession. "I would give anything to do that with him again. Being with him was the most fun I've ever had in my entire life." She squeezed her eyes shut. "All I want is just to see him again. Even if just for a minute."  
Kelle tugged on her teacher's arm. "Who are you talking about? You seem really sad."  
Bree managed a smile. "Arram. He was my best friend, until he died. He was killed about a year ago."  
Kelle wrapped her arms around Bree's waist. "You miss him, don't you?"  
Bree nodded. "Like hell."  
  
  
Two weeks later, Cahrism got all the young Jedi Knights, Leena, and the Skywalkers together.   
"Bree is going to hate me for this," Cahrism announced as soon as they were all together, "but too bad. Bree's turning fifteen in a few weeks. I'm telling you all this because I know she's not going to. The girl hates birthdays. She thinks they're jinxed or something. But this year, she's having a party whether she wants to or not."  
Cahrism shifted in her seat. "And I know this is an extreme long shot, but I've been thinking about something. Jaina, Jacen, can you get your mom to give me access to some records? I know this is going to sound crazy, but there's something that's been bothering me for a long time . . ."  
  
  
Bree knew that something was going on. All of her friends, including Mara and Master Skywalker, were spending an awful lot of time together, and if Bree walked into the room, they would instantly fall silent.   
Bree wasn't stupid. Despite her heated protests that her birthdays were jinxed and she hated them, they were still planning her some sort of party.  
It was a sweet gesture, but Bree couldn't help but remember the time on her fourth birthday when she had tried to light her own birthday sparklers and very nearly set the entire house on fire . . . or the time on her eleventh birthday when she had been bitten by a poisonous animal and Arram had had to rush her to a med center . . .  
She had never truly liked birthdays, but the day she turned thirteen she developed an intense hatred for them.  
That had been the day Arram died.  
  
No one knew that but herself. She'd never told anyone, and had decided that she never would.   
He had been planning some sort of party for her, and sent her away so that she would be surprised.   
She'd obliged, and left their little dwelling and headed for the nearby town, thinking the entire time how sweet a best friend she had. When she'd woken up that morning, her room was littered with her favorite kind of flower - delicate blue things that she didn't know the name for but produced the sweetest smell. In fact, it had been the smell of the flowers that had woken her up.   
She'd gaped in shock for several minutes at the sheer multitude of the flowers. They were rather hard to find, and she couldn't imagine all the trouble Arram must have gone through to get them for her.   
Bree had bolted from her room, found Arram, and flung herself into his arms. He'd hugged her tightly, whispering the words "Happy birthday," into her hair.   
After she'd dressed and eaten, he told her that he was planning a surprise and that she needed to leave. So she did.  
But when she came back, he was gone.  
  
  
Bree started to cry at the memories she had kept buried until then. She tried to remember the feeling of safety she had always had in his arms, but try as she might, it eluded her. The twinkle that always used to be in his beautiful gray eyes with the darkest coronas, the quick smile he had always flashed her that turned her insides over . . . she couldn't remember any of them.  
Even the memories were lost to her now.  
  
Bree began shaking. It was almost two years, she realized. Two years since she'd seen her best friend in the galaxy.   
After only two years, she was already starting to forget.   
By the time she was twenty, would she have any memories of him left?  
That thought petrified her. She couldn't stand to lose the memories too.  
  
  
Over the next few weeks, Bree fell into a reclusive state. She was always alone, either in her quarters, her ship, or the jungle. If anyone tried to talk (or yell, in Mara's case) to her, she simply brushed them off or walked away. She would tolerate no human companionship, and could be heard weeping in her room quite often.   
No one realized what was wrong, because no one knew it was nearing the two-year anniversary of Arram's death.   
They all feared that she would become suicidal again, and indeed, Bree was starting to believe that she had the right idea before when she attempted to fling herself from the top of the Great Temple.   
  
  
When her birthday arrived, Bree had still not emerged from her quarters. Agitated, worried, and impatient, Cahrism finally just decided to barge in, Leena, Ter, the young Jedi Knights, Anakin, and Tahiri hot on her heels.  
They found Bree laying on her bed, unmoving.  
Visibly shaken, Cahrism made her way over to Bree's bed and checked her pulse.  
"Guys," Cahrism announced, her voice trembling, "she's not breathing."  
"WHAT?!"  
The cry echoed around her quarters as everyone rushed to Bree's bedside.  
"Wait," Zekk said, smoothing Bree's hair back from her forehead, his other arm wrapped around Jaina's waist. "She's still alive. She's just in a trance."  
"How do you know?" Ter asked.  
"I can just tell. Look, her fingers are twitching. She's just in a really deep trance."  
Jaina and Leena sighed in relief, but Cahrism let a low growl escape her throat, and suddenly, she gave Bree's arm a vicious twist.  
  
Bree's mismatched eyes blinked open, and she yelped with pain and surprise.   
"What?! What was that for?"  
"You are not going to waste your life away in a trance, Breliah Daragon," Cahrism snapped.  
"I wasn't wasting my life away," Bree said softly.  
"Then what the hell were you doing?"  
"I was trying to remember," Bree whispered, tears rising and threatening to fall in her eyes.  
"Remember what?" Still there was no sympathy in Cahrism's voice, only anger. "Are you trying to just bury yourself in memories and ignore the real world? Newsflash: you can't. You need to get yourself out of bed and get on with your life. You're turning fifteen today. Act happy."  
Bree stood up, faced Cahrism, and stared up hard into her eyes, her own blazing.   
Then, to everyone's shock, Bree slapped her. Hard.  
"I'm starting to forget," Bree hissed, her voice sounding like dripping poison. "I can't remember things about Arram, like his smile, the way his eyes would always sparkle . . . the sound of his voice when he would whisper into my hair after I'd woken up from a nightmare. I feel like I'm losing him all over again. Losing him once was almost more than I could take - I will not lose him again."  
They all expected her to burst into tears, but she didn't. Instead, she stood firm and continued to glare up at Cahrism.   
Cahrism said nothing, and finally, Bree turned her back, heading for the door. "I wasn't trying to stay in a trance and wait to die, as you seem to think," she said softly. "I was trying to pull out old memories, before I lost those, too. It's not that I don't want to die - a good part of me still does. I just don't think Arram would ever forgive me if I killed myself."  
She turned back to them with a small, shaky smile. "He was always so protective of me. I do remember that."  
Unbelievably, Cahrism's green eyes filled with tears, and she hugged Bree. "I'm sorry I was so mean," she apologized softly. "I just couldn't stand seeing you do this to yourself. You're like my little sister."  
Bree nodded, then flashed her friend a heartfelt, if brief, smile. No words needed to be said - she knew that Cahrism was just looking out for her.   
But still, she wished she could have been a bit nicer about it.  
Leena gently guided Bree away from the door. "You're not escaping us again, Liah," she said lightly, using one of Bree's nicknames. "We know you hate birthdays, but we planned you a party anyway. Even if you don't want to, please just go along with this. We got a surprise for you, a huge surprise, and if you along with this, you'll thank us later. Trust me."  
Bree gazed intently at her, trying to decipher what the excited gleam in her catlike eyes meant. "Lee?" she asked cautiously. "What is it? What's going on?"  
Leena shook her head. "I can't tell you, Liah. It would spoil the surprise. But trust me, you're going to be happier than you've ever been in your entire life."  
"I don't know about that," Bree said doubtfully, remembering how her heartbeat always increased when Arram would hug her, or even smile at her.  
It ate away at her that she could barely remember what that smile looked like.  
"I'm not sure I can ever be truly happy again without Arram," she said at last.  
Leena and Cahrism exchanged glances. "Just trust us, for crying out loud," Cahrism said. "You won't regret it. Now, we need to go and do some last minute preparations. You need to get ready. You'll want to look good for this. Since Lee and I will be busy, Jaina will stay here and help you get ready."  
"Me?" Jaina exclaimed. "I have the fashion sense of a Jawa!"  
Cahrism just laughed and slipped out of the door, with everyone else going out behind her.  
  
Bree quickly sent Jaina out after them, seeing the older girl's obvious distress. Jaina's fashion sense went no further than throwing on a jumpsuit, hopefully one with no grease stains, and if feeling particularly adventurous, pulling her hair back into a simple braid.   
"But it doesn't really matter," Jaina told Bree with a grin. "Zekk loves me for who I am, not what I look like. He still thinks I'm beautiful, no matter how much grease I have on my face from working on ships and stuff."  
Jaina was lucky, Bree mused as she rummaged through her clothes and looking for something to wear, to have a boyfriend who loved her so much and would do absolutely anything for her. Bree was happy for her friend, but still, she couldn't but be somewhat envious.   
Arram would have been like that with her, but the possibility of any romantic relationship had been ripped away from them. She wondered what it would have been like, to feel his lips gently caress hers, to hear him say that he loved her - as more than a friend.  
Bree angrily pushed the thoughts away. It was a useless fantasy. He was dead, and no amount of daydreaming would bring him back.  
She began to sing softly to herself to keep her mind from wondering places she didn't want it to go. "Can't get over losing you, and so I'm tired, I just can't get over losing you . . ."  
Her singing voice, a soft and sweet, yet haunting, lilt, trailed off as soon as she realized what she was singing. She tried to think of a happier song, but none would come to mind, so she clamped her lips firmly shut. No sense in making herself more depressed than she already was.   
Bree then began concentrating on getting ready. She selected a pair of flared black pants and a simple, sleeveless blue top, which was sprinkled with glitter. Quickly scrambling into them, Bree moved in front of her mirror to decide what to do with her hair - which was always a struggle. With a slight smile playing across her lips, Bree began to plait her hair into several tiny, evenly spaced braids, the rest of it hanging loose and wild, looking almost like a living thing.  
Arram had always adored her hair like that, and ever since his death, Bree had stayed away from the hairstyle, which brought back too many memories. Almost anything could set her off, down to even things such as hair. But today, she decided to put her hair in the braids again.  
The two year anniversary of his death, she thought sadly. Maybe he was watching.   
"Well, if you are," she whispered, "I love you. It's hell without you here."  
Swiping angrily at tears that suddenly welled up in her eyes, Bree stepped out of her room and headed for the landing field.   
  
  
When she arrived there, the landing field was adorned with a large banner that read 'Happy Birthday Bree - Three More and You're Out the Door!'  
Bree started to laugh despite herself at the sign. On the planet where she and her friends had grown up, eighteen was the age you legally became an adult. Bree had always daydreamed when she was younger about how when she turned eighteen, she would move into the city and become a starship pilot.   
Back then, it had been all she had to look forward too, and she had cherished it. Now she an actual paying job - a teacher at the academy - an entire fleet, and a lot of possibilities, but she would give it all up in a heartbeat for just one more minute with Arram.  
  
"You guys!" she laughed, trotting over to them and giving Leena and Cahrism hugs. "You remembered!"  
"We always did say we were going to do this on your fifteenth birthday," Cahrism said with a grin, hugging her back.   
"We just never expected this is where we'd be that happened," Leena said softly. "Things have changed so much since then."  
Bree blinked before anyone could see the tears welling up in her eyes. She turned her back to the others and a blew a kiss up to the sky. "Wherever you are," she whispered sadly, then turned back around.  
"Wanna hear a joke?" Jacen asked, obviously trying to cheer her up.  
Bree rolled her eyes and laughed - an actual laugh, not one of her false ones that she gave to assure people that she was all right when she truly wasn't. "Tenel Ka, don't you ever get sick of hearing that?"  
Tenel Ka shook her head, her warrior braids dancing, a rare, yet faint smile crossing her lips. "Jacen's jokes provide needed humor in tense moments."  
"Wait a minute!" Jacen exclaimed. "She actually said she likes my jokes! Never thought I'd live to hear that!"  
Tenel Ka laughed, and the look in Jacen's eyes showed that he utterly adored her, even through the surprise at hearing her laugh. "When did I ever say that I did not?" She laughed again, lightly, stunning them all.  
"Your laugh is beautiful," Jacen said softly, "but not nearly as beautiful as you. I wish I could hear it more often."  
Tenel Ka actually blushed, and Jacen smiled, slipping his arms around her waist and pulling her close. She rested her head on his shoulder, and they stayed that way for several minutes, until they both realized everyone was staring at them, either trying not to smile or just grinning openly.   
"Looks like we have an audience," Jacen said dryly as he and Tenel Ka moved reluctantly away from each other.   
"Oh, no, no," Bree said, waving her hand at them, her eyes sparkling. "Don't move on account of us! Just pretend we're not even here."  
"I know how upset you get over things like this," Jacen said gently. "I'm not going to set you off again."  
"You're more perceptive than you look, Jacen Solo," Bree growled. How had he found out about that?   
"It's obvious, Bree. All of us here can tell you're unhappy."  
"Not today she's not," Cahrism said loudly. "At least she won't be when the surprise gets here."  
"What surprise?" Bree asked in exasperation. "Someone tell me! Ter?" she begged, looking at her friend and hoping he would give her the information.  
"Sorry," Ter said with a laugh. "Cahrism would kill me."  
Cahrism moved over and kissed him. "You got that right."  
Bree snorted. No matter how much she saw them together, she would never get used to seeing her sarcastic, rough-edged friend acting so in love with Ter. Even though she knew they were soulmates, it was still weird.  
"Cut the mushy stuff!" Kelle cried. "Presents! Open the presents!"  
Everyone started laughing. "Kid's got a point," Mara said, gesturing towards the pile of presents sitting on the grass. "Start opening stuff."  
"You guys," Bree said again, softly. "You didn't have to do all this."  
"Why not?" Luke asked with a shrug. "You did nothing less than save the entire academy."  
"You've more than repaid me for that - and you didn't even have to repay me at all in the first place. You all gave me a home - the first true home I've had in so long."  
Luke hugged her, and Bree hugged him back, fiercely, eyes misting with unexpected emotion. She realized in that moment just how much the academy people meant to her. Luke and Mara were like the closest kind of aunt and uncle, almost surrogate parents. Jaina, Jacen, Anakin, and their friends Bree considered her older - or younger, in Tahiri's case - siblings.   
Not to mention that Leena and Cahrism were both here, who were her first extended family.  
In some ways, Bree thought, she was lucky.  
"Will you start opening the presents?" Kelle blurted out impatiently.   
Luke laughed and handed Bree a flat, wrapped package. "This is something that I dug out and thought you'd like."  
Bree unwrapped it, and her eyes widened in surprise as she saw what it was - a framed holo of her father. Dash Rendar was sitting in the pilot seat of a ship, a droid to his left and a roguish grin on his face. Bree stared at it for a long moment, then looked up at Luke. "Where did you get this?" she whispered.  
"Don't forget that I knew your father once - and that I have connections. I managed to find it with relatively little trouble. You remind me of him in a lot of ways - I can see his spirit in you. Dash seemed really rough, but he had a good heart underneath. You're not nearly as rough edged as he was, but you do his have his spirit."  
Bree's eyes filled with tears. "Mom never really told me that much about him, and I've always wondered if I was anything like him. I guess I am." Her smile was bright, despite the tears in her eyes. "Now I know. Thank you so much." She hugged him again.   
"Um, I think I need to give you my present next," Jacen said. "It seems to be getting restless."  
Bree's eyes widened, and she heard Jaina mutter, "Not again," under her breath.   
"Jacen -" Bree started, but he cut her off.   
"Bree, relax. It's okay. It's nothing poisonous or something that'd going to maul you. It's safe, just like Lapis is."  
He handed her a small cage covered with a black cloth, much as Lapis's had been. Bree carefully peeled back the cover, and inside was a tiny bird that greatly resembled a swan, though on a much smaller scale. Its feathers were iridescent, and were not any one color. It shifted with the light and angle.  
"Wow," Bree said as the bird blinked one large mother of pearl eye at her. "She's gorgeous. Or is it a he?"  
"It's a she," Jacen confirmed. "I should warn you though - these birds have a tendency to spit fire, so you have to watch out for that."  
"They what?!" Bree yelped. "Jacen, you said this thing wasn't dangerous!"  
Jacen started laughing. "I was just joking! They really are harmless - but you should have seen the look on your face!"  
Bree rolled her eyes and punched him on the shoulder, but she was laughing.   
Mara's gift was a specially made blaster, tiny and easy to conceal but that packed a lot of power. Ancient runes for good marksmanship and luck were even etched into the metal.  
Anakin gave her a miniature model of her ship, the Charismatic, that he made from bits of stone and metal. He explained that in some cultures it was considered good luck to have a model of your ship with you when you fly.  
Tenel Ka gave her a Dathomiri lizard hide outfit - a tiny black skirt, and a matching sleeveless belly shirt and boots - while Jaina opted for something more practical. While Bree was off teaching or doing various other duties, she had rehauled the hyperdrive on the Charismatic, making it even faster. Bree was surprised that she had gone to all that trouble, but as Zekk put it, "She just likes working on ships. To her, it's not even work, it's just fun. Wave something mechanical in front of her and she just can't pass it up."  
Zekk himself had uploaded the extensive navigational files from his own ship into Bree's, overhauled the air filters in the Charismatic, and supplied the ship with a vac suit. "Trust me, if you don't have a vac suit on your ship, you will regret it," he told her. "I was surprised when I saw that you didn't have one."  
Bree shrugged. "I was thirteen when I got her," she said. "I wasn't really thinking about vac suits then, and anyway, the ship didn't come with one and I couldn't afford it then."  
She grinned. "And don't go saying that Jaina is the one who's really bad about not being able to resist mechanical work. You're as bad as she is - or maybe you just do it to be around her more!"  
Jaina was blushing, but they both admitted that it was at least partly true.   
  
Before they could get any further, a ship suddenly appeared in the sky overheard, about to make a landing.  
"Ah," Cahrism said, "this is from me and Leena. Well, not the ship, but what's inside."  
Bree shivered and wrapped her arms around herself as a chill wind blew around her. It was unseasonably cold that day. "So, this is the big surprise?"  
Cahrism nodded; Leena was crying.  
"Leena!" Bree exclaimed in surprise. "You're crying! Why?"  
The young woman shook her head, her orange and black striped tiger hair blowing in the wind. "I'm just happy."  
Bree looked around at everyone else, utterly confused. Leena was crying, Cahrism looked so excited she was about ready to burst, and she had absolutely no idea why.  
  
But her questions were all answered a moment later when the ship's ramp descended and a figure emerged. His eyes searched the party until he saw Bree. His eyes lit up when he saw her, and he seemed almost to melt with relief. Bree nearly fainted.   
It was Arram. Her Arram, who had died exactly two years ago.  
  
For a long moment, Bree did nothing, too shocked to move, and neither did he. They simply stared at each other.   
But finally, Bree let out a strangled cry and launched herself forward - but not to him. Instead, she bolted for the jungle.  
  
Bree just ran, not caring where she went or whether she got lost. She was oblivious to the branches that scratched her face and arms until they bled, and the sounds of people calling her name - one voice in particular.   
She didn't care. She just ran.  
  
Bree didn't know how long she ran, but she finally stopped by a small pond that she had never seen before. She was lost, but she didn't care.   
She flung herself on the ground in front of the pond and splashed her face with water. "I'm hallucinating," she said to no one in particular, her voice ragged and panting. "That wasn't Arram. It couldn't have been him. He's dead. Dead."  
She began to shake with exhaustion and fear. "I'm losing my mind," she whispered. "I miss him so much that now I think I'm seeing him. I've lost it."  
Seeing him again had been pure torture. She was seeing what she had wanted to see for so long, yearned to see. But yet, she knew she could never really seen what she thought she saw, because it wasn't really there.  
She buried her face in her hands and began to weep.  
  
She had no idea how long she stayed like that before she felt a gentle hand on her shoulder and heard a very familiar voice say gently, "Oh, Bree. What is it? What's wrong?"  
Bree lurched to her feet, her tears suddenly gone. "Please, just go away," she begged. "You're not real. You can't be. I'm just hallucinating. You're dead. Dead." Her words were wrenched from her throat, and sounded as if they came from the deepest, most desperate part of her soul.   
She started sobbing again, suddenly, and she would have fallen to her knees, but he caught her as she fell forward. He cradled her against his chest, holding her tightly.  
The young man said nothing as he held her, but Bree suddenly felt Arram's Force presence wrap around hers, closely mingling with her own, immensely comforting and feeling for all the worlds like a warm, sweet embrace.   
Bree's eyes widened. Arram had always used to do that to her when she was distraught.  
She knew that there was no way she could be imagining this.   
And that meant that it was truly Arram holding her in his arms.  
  
Bree screamed and jerked back from him, just staring. The familiar contours of his face, the high cheekbones, the beautiful gray eyes with the dark coronas, the wavy brown hair . . . Without a doubt, it was Arram. He had changed some, over the years. He was even taller, had a firmer build, his hair was longer - just past his ears, not quite long enough to pull back into a ponytail - and he had a small scar going across one cheek that hadn't been there before. She'd always thought he was incredibly handsome, but now . . . even if she hadn't been so shocked she wouldn't have been able to take her eyes off him.  
I must be dreaming, Bree thought wildly. He was dead, I know he was . . .   
Arram flashed her the grin that Bree had always loved, and her knees still went weak, despite the shock. "Bree, I'm not dead. I'm alive. I know you're confused, but can't you feel it through the Force?"  
She still didn't move, but Arram could either sense in the Force or see it in her eyes that she now believed he was truly alive.  
He smiled again, but there was some sort of liquid in his eyes . . .   
"Come here, Bree," his said, his voice hoarse and low, barely audible.   
Bree broke free of her shock-induced immobility and flung herself back into his arms. Arram nearly crushed her against his chest, his arms lifting her off her feet.   
Bree clung desperately to him, burying her face in his neck, fresh tears streaming down her face. She couldn't believe that she was in his arms again, after so long . . .   
Arram stroked her hair and whispered soothingly to her, but it only made Bree cry harder. But this time, her tears were of happiness, not grief.   
  
Finally, Arram pulled back to see her face. Bree sniffed, wiping her eyes. Arram smiled and did it for her, cupping her cheek in his hand.   
Bree saw his eyes widen as he stared at her, and she suddenly felt very self-conscious. She knew she must be an absolute mess from all the crying she had done - and that was certainly not the way she wanted Arram to see her for the first time in years.  
But she realized she was wrong a moment later when Arram pulled back even further, holding her by the shoulders and staring down at her at shock. "You've grown up," he said in an awed voice. "You're a woman now, not the girl I used to know. You look . . . beautiful." He stroked her cheek, his eyes shining with tears of his own.  
For a long time Bree said nothing, but merely stared up into Arram's gray eyes, feeling the light touch of his hand on her face, and trying not to pass out.   
But then, she jerked back from him, and nearly yelled, "Arram, why did you leave me like that? I missed you so much I wanted to die just to be with you again! It completely broke me. Why did you do that to me? You were my best friend!"  
Arram sighed, closing his eyes. "Bree, I didn't want to."  
"That doesn't explain anything!"  
"Do remember your thirteenth birthday?" Arram asked her.  
"You're not making any sense! Of course I remember it, and you know I do! Would you quit being such an idiot and tell me why you decided to break my heart?"  
"After you left that day," Arram began, "the Imperials came looking for you. Parrck wanted you dead. They asked me where you were, and I wouldn't tell them. I finally got them to leave, and made it look like they had killed me. I knew I had to get out of there, because my Force suggestion to them wouldn't hold forever, and they'd eventually come back. I also knew that had placed some kind of tracer on me in order to find you, so I figured that if I left and stayed away, you'd be safe."  
Arram sighed. "I never meant to hurt you, Bree. I would never would do that to you. I was just trying to protect you. You're my best friend. I love you."  
Bree's eyes filled with fresh tears at his words, and she jumped up into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist. "You idiot," she said. "You paranoid, overprotective idiot. You have no idea what you did to me."  
"I'm so sorry," Arram whispered into her hair. "You know I would never hurt you on purpose."  
Bree sighed, laying her head on his shoulder and deciding she never wanted to leave his arms. Despite the fact that he knew he was either lying to her or not telling her the entire truth, Bree didn't care. Nothing else mattered except the fact that the person she had loved for so long was with her once again.  
  
  
She had no idea how long she stayed wrapped in his arms, but finally, she reluctantly moved away, saying, "I hate to say this, but the people back at the academy are probably wondering what the heck happened to us."  
Arram pulled her back into his arms. "Let them wonder," he said softly. "I just want to hold you."  
"But they're worried about us - well, me anyways," she said. But still, she did not move from his arms.  
"I don't want to go," she whispered. "I know that this is just a dream, and that when I wake up, you'll be gone." She choked back a sob. "But it's going to be okay. When I do wake up . . . it won't be long after that until I'm with you again. I'll just have to be more careful this time, that's all, so no one catches me again."  
Arram's eyes widened as he realized what she was saying, and he dropped to his knees in front of her. He took both of her hands in his, staring up at her with the most intense look in his gray eyes, which glistened with tears.   
"Bree, don't even talk like that," he whispered. "I'm really here. I was never really even gone from you - my thoughts and my heart were with you every second. I'm never leaving you again, I promise - leaving you once was almost more than I could bear."  
"I'm scared to believe what you're telling me," Bree choked out, trying not to cry. "Every time I get something good in my life, it's taken away from me. I lost you once, and I couldn't take that. Getting you back and then losing you all over again would kill me as surely as jumping off the Great Temple."  
"You're not going to lose me again," Arram whispered. "You're my best friend. I only left to protect you - I'm not leaving again."  
Bree didn't reply, but hot tears spilled from her eyes and coursed down her cheeks. Arram said nothing, but pulled her gently down into his lap, cradling her there and rocking her softly back and forth, whispering soothing things into her hair.   
Bree clung to him, drawing reassurance from his strong presence. This was certainly the Arram she remembered, the one that would draw her into his arms and just hold her until her tears had quieted. Everything felt the same, the feel of his body pressed up warm and comforting against hers, the feel of his hand rubbing her back or stroking her hair.  
She sucked in a soft breath. She hadn't even realized how much she'd missed this.  
Missed him.  
Bree slid her own arms around him, hugging him tightly, her tears gone. "I missed you," she whispered.  
Arram smiled, even though she couldn't see it. She finally truly believed he was back, and her pain, built up over two years, was starting to slowly leave her.  
He helped her to her feet, kissing her softly on the forehead. "I've missed you too, Cricket."  
Taking her hand in his, they began the walk back to the academy. 


End file.
